Monday, December 19, 2011

MORE furry things, scary sparkly things and a little bit of an adventure......

Well, as always, life is busy for me here in Sri Lanka. Paws, Ivy, Benson and I are living happily with “her indoors” at the volunteer house and like it quite a lot. We have a variety of new admirers that regularly turn up just to see us. Some of them even bring presents for us to demolish – err, I mean play with. We also, unfortunately, get other doggy imposters turning up to stay with us, luckily they go to their new homes quite quickly so we do not have to share for long. Betty was one of those, she was very small and seemed to like helping “her indoors” with the housework, anyway, she has gone to live with her very own “her indoors” now, do not tell anyone but I quite missed her when she left, she was alright for an imposter.














Betty does the housework.







Paws muscles in on one of MY admirers.

One morning, we were minding our own business when suddenly, from nowhere, three things flew over the fence. On investigation I was disgusted to find that they were those furry purry scary things. I specifically asked never to have to spend any time with those things again, yet here they were, wandering about in our garden. Her indoors got them quickly as Benson was looking quite hungry. She took them to the sanctuary and I am very pleased to say, I have not had to have anything to do with them since.

LOADS of furry purry scary things, far far too many.......

Sometimes, “her indoors” goes and stays at the sanctuary with all the other dogs - I let her do that, it is good to share - and leaves us here with one of the admirers. One night, “her indoors” had gone and one of the admirers came back, I thought she had left “her indoors” outside so I shot out the gate to look, I ran up and down the road but “her indoors” was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, I realised that I had run too far and decided to come home, I could not get home though! Every turn I made there were naughty street dogs snarling at me, chasing me and confusing me, I could not find my way home and was very scared so I ran and ran. The next day, I was still trying to find my way home when a man found me, he thought I was very handsome so he picked me up and put me in a cage, he said he was going to keep me. He gave me some rice and curry which I did not like, I do not think he knows about Pedigree Chum. I waited and waited, hoping “her indoors” would arrive but still she did not come. I was very scared and very sad, how would I ever get home? I did not sleep a wink that night, strangely the man said he and his family did not either, something had kept them awake, I did not hear anything, I was too busy shouting. The next day, the mans sister came and saw me, she said I was famous – I could have told her that – she said I was on a poster in the local town and “her indoors” was trying to find me. Anyway, the man who put me in a cage phoned “her indoors” then he let me out the cage. I was running up and down the road, wondering which way to go when suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name, it was “her indoors” !! I raced up the road and jumped right up in the air and kissed her a lot, strangely, her eyes looked all odd and puffy, not sure what was wrong but I think she was quite pleased to see me. I screamed and screamed, trying to explain to her where I had been and what I had been doing, however, I had shouted so much the night before that I had lost my voice, luckily I have found it again now. When I got home, Paws shouted at me a lot, blimey, she was like a nagging wife, I tried to explain it was not my fault but she chased me round the house telling me off, I think she thought I had been out at the local bar or something, huh, these girls do not understand what we go through. I had a very big dinner and went to bed with “her indoors”, she seemed quite tired too, not sure why, I was the one that had been running up and down the roads all night shouting.






I was a bit tired.......

Her Indoors was quite pleased to see me!

I was a bit poorly after my adventure, lots of little things had bitten me so I had to go and see the needle man. There, once again, I encountered the furry purry scary things, really, enough now, I have asked, prayed, begged and shouted but nobody listens, they still keep coming into my life.......

It was quite exciting going to see the needle man, I got to go in a big red box with wheels, I liked it, I could see all the other dogs on the road and shout at them but they could not get me, I shouted at them a lot and felt very big and important.

I AM big and important.

We have got a thing called Christmas, have you got one?

I am not sure about the Christmas business, everything was fine when suddenly there was a thing in the house, a flashing thing, I barked at it for ages and every time “her indoors” tried to show it to me I ran away. I have sort of got used to it now but more of these Christmas related things keep appearing, one minute they are not there and then they are, one of my admirers put some of these things up and seemed to find it amusing that I noticed, these humans have no idea just how intelligent I am, bright shiny things are suspicious, Paws, Ivy and Benson do not notice them but I do, I keep barking at them when they move but they are not going away........... Hmmm, will keep my eye on them and watch what they do, if they keep twinkling though I may have to try and eat them.

Hmmm, I am watching you twinkly things.

Anyway, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you are doing I wish you a Christmas free of sparkly scary things and send you lots of love for a Happy New Year – whatever one of those is, “her indoors” said it so it must be something important.

Love and Christmas licks, FF xx

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Girls and other mysteries of Life (the missing bits)

I am ashamed to note how long it is since I have written, "Her Indoors" is to blame. She never sits still for long enough to help me with my typing. Well, so much to tell as always, life continues to be highly enjoyable with a few exceptions I may add. Several months ago now I was innocently eating a shoe when "Her Indoors", looking a bit sheepish, picked me up and took me to see the needle man. I prepared myself to be brave once more but the next thing I knew I had fallen fast asleep. When I woke up I felt very odd and sleepy. I did not like this so kept trying to get up and run away but strangely my legs were all wibbly and I could not do it. "Her Indoors" had to go out but I did not want to stay in my bed all alone. "Him Over There" offered to stay with me which made me feel a lot better and I went back to sleep then. Come to think of it so did he. When I woke up I felt much better and ready to continue in my normal fashion, however, I had the strangest feeling that I had left something behind in the needle mans room? You ever have that feeling, like you have forgotten something? I keep looking round but there is definately something missing. If anyone finds the missing bits can you let me know? Is all a big mystery.....

Why do I feel so funny??

Yet more dogs have taken over my house, Paws and Ivy, girls, huh! Paws came when she was very very small and had no mummy. Ivy said she sat in a puddle in the middle of the road and pretended to have a limp so that they would think she was injured and bring here here. She forgot that she did that though and stopped limping as soon as she knew she had a paw in the door. She is a very good actress and tells tales about me. Girls are very bossy, I do not think I like them very much, they get together and make life very hard sometimes, one minute they want to play and the next they change their minds without telling me, just bite my ears. Girls are very confusing, you know where you are with boys. Doc is not sure about them either although that is probably because his brain does not work, he is a good mate Doc but I do not think he is very clever.
















Bossy women Paws and Ivy take over my life!








Brian does not live with us anymore, he got more and more sick so has gone to live in a kennel in the sky, "Her Indoors" cried a lot when he moved there so I ate some of her knickers to try and cheer her up. Where is sky? Is it in Sri Lanka?

MORE furry, purry, scary things came in. These ones were really small and looked like bats, I was not quite so scared of them at first but then they got bigger and chased me. No, I do not like these things. Please do not send me any more.


The ever present furry purry scary things.


I have discovered something very good, digging. It is very good fun and I do it as often as possible. I do not like having dirty feet though so I clean them on "Her Indoors" clothes. She does not like that very much. I wonder why she does not like joining in with the fun, I think it is because she does not have paws, I will try and get her some.
Well, I am going to carry on with lifes important jobs, digging.
See you soon, Love and Licks, FF xxx

Dig, Dig, Digging, wonder if I can dig to that England place?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Bad Hats and Bad Noises


Happy New Year! 
Well, everyone keeps saying it so it must mean something important.  I have been incredibly busy so, as usual, finding time to write to you all has been difficult.  I have been meeting more new friends and there have been lots of changes in my home.  Him Over There has moved in next door, he is great because he is very forgetful, he is always leaving handy things around to be played with, phones, phone chargers, shoes and T-shirts.  Snake has gone to live with some other people, Her Indoors goes to visit him but she says he is very happy and does not want to come back.  Doc has moved in now, he is OK, very large ears though.  He is equal to Chloe in the games department which is great.  Her Indoors came back from England with a plentiful supply of knickers and flip flops so we have all enjoyed that, well, except for Her Indoors, she remains as grumpy as ever about our fun time.  We have another guest in the house, Brian.  Brian has a funny thing on his leg and he sometimes has to wear one of those “Bad Hats”, he crashes around and makes lots of noise with it and if I get too close then he hits me with it.  Me and Chloe find it a bit scary and bark at it a lot, Brian thinks we are barking at him and gets a bit cross.  Her Indoors seems to think Brian is more important than me because he is so sick and lets him sleep on the chair, so, to compensate for her misjudgement,  I have been trying to get on to her bed at night.  I am a lot taller than I was, just as handsome of course, but I cannot quite reach.  Blondie, Chloe and Doc can all jump up there but even when I stand on tip toes I cannot get there.  Hmmm, wonder if I will grow a bit more?

Brian without the Bad Hat and Big Eared Doc.

Pllleeeeaaaaassssseeee can I get on the bed?
It has rained here a lot over the last few months and sometimes when it rains, we get this horrid noisy thing happening.  I do not understand what this thing is but when it happens I wish it would go away, all that banging and crashing and flashing lights.  The first time it happened I panicked, I thought god had got cross and was coming to tell me off about all the knickers, flip flops and brushes I have got through so I hid under the sink.  Her Indoors kept telling me it would be OK but what would she know, I was not coming out until it had gone away.  Once again, Her Indoors seemed to find this quite amusing but she stopped laughing when I ate her new flip flops, they had a funny taste though so I only nibbled the toe a bit, Chloe finished them off.

Not coming out!

I have had to have more visits with the needle man, I try to like him and sometimes am quite pleased to see him but then he spoils it all by sticking them in me, I think he gets a thrill out of it so I am not going to let him know I do not like it.  There are more naughty things in the clinic and they think life is just one big laugh, jumping all over me, they are furry and purry and Her Indoors loves them.  I am not so sure, just like Boris they are very badly behaved and get through rolls of paper like they are going out of fashion.  I growl at them when I see them in the hope they will go away - don't let this go any further but I find them a bit scary - it does not work though, they swing off my tail then run away laughing.  Huh, I will think of a way to deal with them.
Furry, Purry, Scary Things!
We had something here called Christmas, did you get one?  Her Indoors and Him Over There put some twinkly white lights up, they were lovely, very chewy though and it took Blondie and I quite a while to munch through them.  We got there in the end though and were surprised when they were cross and kept going on about how we might have been “lectrified” but I do not know why they get so upset, they now have three lots of lights instead of one, they just do not get things these humans, no sense of adventure.  Another new person has arrived now, Her Down There, she is in league with the needle man and put smelly stuff on my neck yesterday, she did bring chocolate though which smells great, if only I can manage to get some.........
Right, I am off to take part in the look out now, Doc, Blondie and I take it in turns to check the window, just in case any more monsters arrive.

Me and Doc "Big Ears" checking for Monsters.
Love and licks,
Fing xxx


Me and Big Ears take a rest after Monster Lookout Duty



Sunday, September 19, 2010

An Unexpected Visitor

I do not really know where to start!  I had a two day holiday with the two girls living in the house next door.  It was an odd sort of holiday and I had to share it with two wonky dogs.  Vincent only has one ear and the other one, Frankie, has funny legs that the girls had put a bandage on.  He had obviously been naughty because he had to wear something the girls called a "Bad Hat".  Everyone kept saying how cute he was but I thought he looked rather silly, like he was wearing a lampshade on his head.  I sort of played with them for a bit but they are not really my type, they know NOTHING about the games I normally play and did not even know what a pair of knickers were!  They were a bit goody two shoes.  When "her indoors" came back to get me I was so happy to see my gang again, Blondie was a bit cross because I got to go on holiday and she didn't, I knew she was upset because she bit my ear.  Chloe was understandably overjoyed to see me and we immediately set about playing.  Strangely, there are not many flip flops or knickers to be found and "her indoors" keeps mumbling about the lack of them.  I wonder what she has done with them all?

Frankie "Bad Hat"

"Her indoors" went out one afternoon and when she returned I greeted her in my normal fashion of leaping off the ground and hurling myself at her.  Then I had the shock of my life!  She had this THING with her.  A squeaky, long tailed THING that shouts louder than me when I want my dinner.  It demands attention all the time.  I do not know what it is, Blondie and Snake do not know either, Snake thinks the only way to find out is to eat it and Blondie tries to play with it but is a bit scared!  I am much braver and try to give it a good wash when I can, it's a bit smelly between you and I.  It bashes me on the nose with its hands and has the longest fingers I have ever seen.  I think it must be a baby because they bought it a teddy bear to cuddle,  I thought I could invent a new game to impress Chloe but "her indoors" got cross when I tried to run off with it (the teddy bear, not the THING).  I am a bit disgruntled to be honest, what does this THING think it is?  Coming in here wanting all the attention.  Everyone that comes to visit goes all silly when they see it.  I keep trying to show them how wonderful I am, especially now my coat is all shiny and sleek but they do not notice, I am going under the bed with a book to munch on whilst I hatch a plan.

What is that THING?
I got taken downstairs again to visit that needle man.  Sure enough, he stuck a needle in my bottom but I was not going to show I was scared this time so I retained a dignified silence.  I have to say that although I was reluctant to change, I can now see the benefit of this needle man, my coat is so beautiful and although I did not think it possible, I am even more handsome than I was.

Mr Handsome!
"Her indoors" is going to England.  What is England?  Not sure why she has to go or why she cannot take me but apparently some other women are going to come and live here and look after me, perhaps I can convince them that the only food I eat is sausages and flip flops?  Will be in touch again when she returns, I have to wait for her before writing again as I cannot get the hang of this keyboard.

Love and licks,

Fing
xxx

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Monsters and Games!

Hi everyone,

The last week has been pretty eventful! I had an unpleasant experience with a grass eating monster outside my window, I was pretty scared I can tell you which is a big thing for me to admit!! Her indoors found it funny if you can believe it! There I was sleeping peacefully on my cushion when the monster started shouting right outside my window, I ran as fast as I could to the other side of the room and put my tail between my legs to keep myself safe. Her indoors picked me up and took me back to where the monster was, I struggled as much as I could but she insisted I look at it, it had a Sri Lankan man attached to it and was eating grass like it was going out of fashion. I did feel a bit better after that, if it was eating the grass then hopefully it would not want to come and eat me!

Checking out the Monster.
I have so many friends that I think I should share with you some of the fun times we have. Blondie is great but she is a bit rough sometimes and tries to dangle me upside down, people may think I have Fruit Bat in my blood but I prefer to stay the right way up if possible. Snake is a grumpy old man and will not play with me, instead he smiles at me if I get too close, I think it's a smile, anyway, he shows me all his lovely white teeth. My favourite playmate though is Chloe. Chloe and I have to play in secret because her indoors does not seem to understand the games that Chloe is teaching me. The “Knicker Game” is enormous fun! What you do is wait until her indoors is out of the room, then you jump as high as you can and grab a pair of knickers from the washing airer, you eat as much of them as you can before she comes back into the room, it is highly exciting and gets the adrenalin going!! The other really good one is the brush game, any brush will do, hairbrush, dustpan brush, toothbrush but the best is the toilet brush. Again, her indoors needs to sort out her attitude, Chloe and I were trying to have fun and play the toilet brush game at 5.30 in the morning - well it's cooler then and we were wide awake. We managed to carry it between us and were heading for under the bed when she woke up, we almost made it but she had to get out of bed and spoil it for us, meanie. We had to make do with eating the mosquito net instead. Chloe is trying to teach me a new game, flip flop eating. What you do is wait until they are talking and distracted, you check each one out to see if they are looking then you run like the wind with a flip flop, they do not want them anyway, they leave them on the floor. I take them to Chloe who is waiting inside, she pretends to be asleep to fool them, then we take them under the bed and fight for them!
Toilet brush game, Chloe left me to take the blame.

A really horrid thing happened that I was not expecting. Her indoors took me downstairs to that clinic place, I was happy to see some of my friends in there, Hope and Princess barked at me a bit but I think I convinced them I was OK. I am a bit wary of that Hope though, she runs around in a shopping trolley and runs everyone over. Then the needle man turned up and before I could say “ouch” stuck a needle in me!! I shouted and shouted to no avail, they kept telling me it was for my own good and that I would feel better but I LIKE the moth eaten fur look, I think it suits me. I was pretty grumpy I can tell you and I know that one eyed kitten was laughing at me, she and her small puppy mate sitting smugly on their bed, Boris and Bridget with their sob stories about their poor start, ha, they think they are so cute and humble but I know once everyone has left them they are up to no good, climbing up the shelves and cages and throwing all the towels and rolls of paper on the floor.
Boris and Bridget, oh so smug.
I am off for a holiday and I know I will not have time to send a postcard, I need time to relax after all the traumas of this past week. Take care and remember NOT to eat knickers whilst anyone is watching!!

Love and Licks,
Fing
xxx

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Allow me to introduce myself.......

Hi, I am Funny Fing, although my friends just call me Fing.  I have decided to write a regular blog as I am such a popular guy, people seem to want to know what I have been doing!

I live in a place called Animal SOS in Sri Lanka, it is a good place to be, I share my house with "her indoors", Blondie, Snake and sometimes Chloe.  I and my brothers and sisters were rooting about on a rubbish tip looking for some scraps of food - we were so hungry - when a couple of English women suddenly appeared, bundled us into a basket and bought us here.  They seemed shocked as we were so thin and sickly but we thought that was normal!  There seems to be rather a lot of dogs here, lots of barking and playing, I prefer to stay upstairs though in my house, much more civilized.  When we arrived we were taken into a room the women called the clinic.  They gave us some food, milk and puppy biscuits, we could not get enough and all got a bit wet whilst stuffing our faces.  Then, it got a bit horrid, they put lotion on us as they said we had fleas, how dare they!  They then gave us some pink liquid to take away the worms from our tummies, it did not taste that good but I did feel better the next day so I let them off.  They then put us in a big cage and left us to go to sleep.  We discussed what had happened to us and decided on reflection that we were better off here than the rubbish tip, there we had nothing, here we had lots of food, cuddles and love.  My brothers and sisters were very sleepy as they had been for several days but I stayed awake for a while listening to the other dogs talking outside before I drifted off.  Over the next few days I settled in but my brothers and sisters did not seem very well and one by one they were taken off to other cages and did not come back again, the English women and the man with the needles kept saying a funny word, virus, don't know what that means but they then decided I had to be put in isolation.  What is an isolation? Does anyone know?  All I know is I had to go and live in another room all by myself and I did not like it.  I think the women had gone by this time because they never came back, only "her indoors" as I call her now.  I made my feelings very clear about this isolation business and tried to escape several times by knocking over a large piece of wood which landed on my head.  It was very heavy and gave me a headache.  Anyway, luckily for me, this incident made "her indoors" decide I had to go and live with her.  I had a few more incidents, I ran into a broom which fell on my head, then a few days later I ran into the mop which did the same thing. What is their problem? What do they want to go jumping on my head for?  I did feel a bit poorly on and off and heard "her indoors" muttering to the needle man about virus again.  They gave me pink tablets and I started to feel better.  Pink tablets only taste good when "her indoors" mashes them up with yoghurt and Pedigree Chum puppy meat, then I might eat them.  I got better but then got sick again, this time I went blind in one eye, not helpful when you are a busy lad with things to do.  It got much worse after that as "her indoors" would pick me up and speak nicely to me, she tried to fool me into thinking something good was happening but I soon learnt that meant she was going to squirt things in my eye!  I was not impressed I can tell you but as my eye started to go back to normal I decided that she was not so bad after all and now I can see properly.

I have decided I quite like living here, I get lots of attention and of course all the girls that come and visit this place love me, I can't help it, it is my body shape and looks, some people seem to think I look like a cross between chihauhua and a fruit bat, they are just rude and "her indoors" tells them I will grow into my looks, whatever that means.  She keeps on about me being like a cat with 9 lives and a story with an ugly duckling in it, I keep trying to convince her that I am not a cat or a duck but she does not listen, sometimes you just have to maintain a dignified silence.

So, that is my story so far, I will write again soon and tell you what I have been doing, my life is so busy and exciting that I do not know when I will have time to write again, keep your eyes open though and look out for me.

Lots of love and licks,

Fing
xxxx